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Guest Post: Ten Reasons You Should Not Be Caught Without a Beer Bong

Editor’s Note: This is another of what we hope is many contributions from our readers. These guest posts come from our friends, followers, and fellow beer geeks who have something they want to share. If you’ve attended a great event, tasted a rare beer, want to give your favorite brewery some love, or share anything else beer related feel free to send us an email at and let us know!

It is like a marmite relationship when it comes to beer bongs – you either love them or you hate them. You either go “ooooooooaaaaahh” as soon as someone walks in the room with one, or you tend to turn into that parent that won’t allow their son/daughter to have any fun in their life.

If you are one of those people who would worship The Beer Bong God if he existed and you would wear a beer bong as part of a utility belt then the following post will definitely be right up your street and hopefully make your sides hurt a little (what we mean by this is that strange bodily function known as laughing). For those of you who dislike beer bongs…well, haters gonna hate!

Let’s get to the point then. Here are ten reasons why you should always carry a beer bong.

1. Drinking Your Beer
Where’s my beer, bro? Gone! That’s what. Beer bongs allow you to drink your beer at a much faster rate. In today’s society who has the time to sit down and slowly sip a beer?

2. Not Just For Beer
We get it “beer” bong…the clue is kind of in the title, but I am sure people out there are using “cheese” graters to grate more than cheese. Yeah, instant ownage! Well, same can be said regarding beer bongs. Really fancy a can of coke or a glass of milk but you have no time to drink them? You know what to do. It would be obvious not to use hot liquids, but we thought we would say just in case – we know some people need warning about these sorts of things.

3. Making Your Music Louder
Ok, ok, a party is coming up and all you have is some tiny little speaks and we mean tiny, or even only headphone. Don’t worry, as a beer bong is shaped like a cone you can simple stick your speaker/headphones at the spout of the beer bong and your music will amplify out the bigger cone shaped end. Don’t believe us? Then try it.

4. Using it as a Megaphone
Can you lot hear me? Is that no you say? Just like when using it for amplifying your music, a beer bong can do the same with your voice. Now everyone can hear you.

5. Making Instant Friends
You don’t have to be down with beer bongs, oh no, just as long as you are the guy who brings the beer bong to the party then you are the main man. You don’t even have to even use it, just as long as people know you’re the “beer bong bringer” then you will have friends – probably for as long as the party lasts though. Oh, and if someone else had the same idea as yourself…awkward moment. Unless of course, your bong can out trump theirs.

6. Using it to Keep Dry
If all else fails stick it on your head and use it as an umbrella – unless your beer bong is too small or your head is too big – you will be able to keep your Barnet dry when it is raining outside. Don’t forget to make sure the on/off valve is turned off or the whole thing would be pointless.

7. Money Box
Slide in your loose change and watch it roll around the funnel until it ends up in the tubing – again, make sure the on/off valve is turned off. You should be able to save quite a lot of money using a beer bong for a money box. You just now need to figure out what you want to buy. Maybe a BongZilla Beer Bong? Imagine how many pennies you could save in that big boy.

8. Ghetto Shower
Has your shower recently broken and you need a shower? Well, fill the beer bong with water, shampoo your golden locks and then use the beer bong the same way you would use a shower by just slightly opening the valve to release the water slowly. If you have not shampooed your hair to death then you should be fine.

9. Fish Bowl
Most beer bongs come with detachable piping which leaves you with a funnel. Find a way to block the hole in the funnel using a particle method, not a pair of socks or something silly and make the funnel stable on a flat surface. Next, fill it with water and introduce a gold fish.

10. Water Dispenser
Find a way to keep your beer bong upright in the fridge by creating a stand so it cannot tip over and fill it with water. Every time you want a cold glass of water simply go to your fridge and use the on/off valve to pour yourself a nice cold glass of water. Who needs to buy a proper water dispenser costing £100s?

Do you know a more fun or practical use for a beer bong? Please comment below and let us know!


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Written by Craig Crossland (Guest Author)

Craig can usually be found drinking a beer, on Youtube or watching a Van Damme film, because practically they’re the only 3 things in life worth doing =]

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